Not sure how it happened, but it did. My old blueprint creeped in! It feels like I’m back to day one. I just turned off everything. Figured this is so overwhelming, I just need a week off! This is too much for me and I’m feeling trapped. Maybe I don’t want to just be the observer, or do I not have the right to my opinion? My poor tongue is sore from biting it! I just want to say my peace!! I don’t want to read the scrolls about Love…Love, love, love! Blah! Looking at my poster board, shapes and all other things what for, do I really believe this is my Dharma, My Bliss? Can this be my life? What if i’m way off base of what I want my Dharma to be? More questions than answers this week for sure.
There is a battle going on inside of me for sure! Feel like I’m swimming in the sea of uncertainty. Last week I was on top of the world, this week not feeling very good about myself. Guessing my thoughts are controlling me and leading me down this course of despair. As I review the lesson, I see a sentence that grabs me…It say’s ” Ditch negative self-talk”. Hmm, maybe, just maybe this will work! I reviewed further and seen something I’m not doing regularly, Devoting 10 minutes daily to demanding of myself the development of SELF-CONFIDENCE. I’ve been doing pretty good so far, there has been one thing I just cannot do…It’s when I close my eyes and try to image things, my dharma, press release,the sitting down with someone, the ship, flower, ect… WHY?? Guess it drives me crazy and start to think I can’t and guess what…Then I can’t! I have been telling subby I can’t and that may be the issue! The power of thought!! Boy oh boy, strong words.
It’s quite obvious that I trust what is happening here! I’m doing it!! Writing my blog, reading the scripts, doing the exercises. and continue to perfect my Dharma ( no matter how many times I get it back or modify it), reading out loud, the whole thing. I see where my weakness is and what I can do to improve myself. This is a fight I have to do alone, I need to believe in myself, trust myself and put the time in for ME! Need to give myself a break I guess, I am human and there is nothing wrong with me. So the best thing I can say is—” I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious and happy” Take that Subby!!!
In closing, I am so grateful to have MKMMA in my life, you see it is making a difference. Before MKMMA I would of just sulked in this self pity and stayed there until who knows when. I have the tools, they work and I will continue to pick myself up each time. As the reading says, The way to fight darkness is with light!
I always keep my promises..Peace & Love Angela ❤